I've done it, I got my GED, I got my drivers license; but what's next? I had a plan to go to the leadership college through my home church. I wanted to be a camp counselor over the summer. But now I'm in Arizona and my plans my be changing. The weather here has been helpful for my depression. And now I've made friends here. I may end up going back to Newport and getting a job, go through the leadership college, save some money. After that what if I came back to Arizona to go to nail tech school here? Or, what if I went to GCU? I could study behavioral health and help people who struggle the way I have; or theater I could do something that I've always loved. I could even do both, major in one and minor in the other. But I just don't know. I have a million thoughts running through my head. What's next? What's next? What's next? I don't even know where to start. There are ups and downs to all plans. I just need to decide which one is the right plan. I guess it's time to start praying for guidance. Am I willing to leave my friends back home? But then again, is it in my better interest to come back to Arizona? I would have to find a new counselor, new doctors, new friends. And then comes my biggest fear... making my roommate deal with my mental illness. What if I get roomed with someone who doesn't understand or worse, doesn't want to understand. I have so many options out in front of me and no sense of direction as to where I want to be. I never thought it would be this difficult. My future is ahead of me and I'm freaking out about it! To be honest, I never thought I would live long enough for this to happen. I never thought I would graduate, or go to college. This wasn't in my plan... but I've lived this long somehow, for some reason. I can't let go now. So here I go, wishing, dreaming, planning, moving ahead. Here I go into my future.
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