The last three weeks have been everything but good for me. Another depressive episode, full of anxiety and exhaustion. Three weeks of dragging my feet, faking a smile, and constant, worsening suicidal thoughts. By Wednesday I had had enough. I spent two hours in my counselor's office then went home to pack my bags... I was going inpatient at the hospital... again. My dad had been in contact with somebody from our church who said he felt led to pray for me. He and another man from the church came and prayed over my family, my house, my room, and me before leaving for the hospital. Through many tears and prayers of healing, my parents and church family left me in the presence of God to pray, worship, and process on my own. They went to my room to pray over it. As I lay on the couch emersed in emotions of all types, the Lord brought a song upon my heart and I began to sing. I heard God speak to me "No more plan B. I am enough. No more suicide plans, no more medication. I am your plan A, and the only plan you'll ever need." All this to say if God has not clearly told you to come off of your medications I encourage you to wait for God's timing and keep praying. I sat in the presence of the Holy Spirit and continued to worship. After spending some time alone with God I went upstairs. We went through my room and found books, notebooks, and objects that were harboring spirits of oppression, anxiety, and depression; we went outside to the fire pit and lit it up. We stood and watched as those negative spirits were burned and buried in ashes. You know it's funny, it has been prophesied over me many times that I am a phoenix rising from the ashes. These books, these items, these spirits of fear and oppression they are no longer allowed in my life. These are the ashes of every plan B, the ashes of every lie from the enemy; and I am rising above them all through the love, the power, and the grace of the one true God. As of Wednesday night, I have been completely off of ALL of my medications. It is the end of Thursday, and I have yet to have any depression and/or anxiety. I know now that if the Devil tries to attack with lies I need to, and will, stand my ground in what I know to be true... that God is my plan A and there is no plan B.
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