The new year is here. I was hoping to start out this year different from the last. Unfortunately we're still in January and I just got released from the hospital on Friday. Another year of struggle ahead of me. I'm sick of all of this. It seems as though the world is both for me and against me. I am doing both great and horrible things. I've written more songs and short stories recently than ever before. I have an amazing boyfriend. I have great friends. My family loves me. Yet here I am in and out of the hospital, struggling with my mental health. Will this ever end? I suppose that's a silly question. No, It won't ever end. All I can hope is that is does get easier. I am gaining coping skills, I'm learning to communicate. It may not stop, this will be here for the rest of my life but it doesn't have to be a struggle for the rest of my days. I can use this. Without my struggle my music and my writing would have no meaning or depth within them. Without my struggle I wouldn't be able to help people and understand them the way I do. Without my struggle I wouldn't be the same person I am today. My tears have made me, every laugh would have no meaning without every tear. Joy would not exist without sadness. The light would not shine without the darkness. I hope you realize that no matter what you are struggling with you are a star. You are beautiful and bright but you can't shine without the darkness. Every day might be a battle, some of us are still learning to fight. I am still learning to fight. I wake up everyday and I question how the world works and why I'm in it. But we can't just complain about the world. If you don't like it, fix it. If you aren't here to fix the things about the world that break your heart they will forever remain the same. So we must fight. We must find passion and meaning in the little things in life. What's your favorite food? Favorite song? Book? Movie? Never forget how far you've come but that doesn't mean dwell on the past. Move forward, strive. Strive to be the best you that you can be on a daily basis. Some days 40% is all you have to give, and that's okay. We have to have grace for ourselves. And on the days all I can give is 40% I still try. But I try to have grace for myself and care for myself a little extra on those days. Grace, we seem to have it often for others yet we neglect it when it comes to ourselves. WE ARE HUMAN. and that's okay. It means we break but it also means we heal. It means we cry but it also means we laugh. It means we make mistakes but it also means we can be forgiven and we can forgive. Don't be afraid to live life, that's what I'm trying to learn. To wake up in the morning and take a deep breath, take a step forward. Just one step. One at a time. For me, recovery doesn't mean it's all gone forever. It just means I'm learning to live the best life that I can, one day at a time.
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