Luggage

February 2018.

I packed my bags with excitement and went on my way to the G3 conference. I had heard so much about it but this was my first year. Hold up, lets go back. G3 2017 testimony night. little me sitting in the corner at youth group listening to metal and hating everything. But that night changed my life. Testimony after testimony of life changing events from the previous weekend at G3. Addictions broken, chains removed, hearts opened. And I sat wondering how it could be. How could addiction just disappear? I had struggled with it myself and still did for a matter of fact. freed from multiple addictions after months of prayer and hard work and now I find myself free from all but one. Self harm. 10 years, yeah that's right, 10. Crazy I suppose but I was used to it by now. so here we find ourselves back in 2018. The van pulls up to the church, we all pile out, we head into the building, and I have an anxiety attack. Oh great! Just what I needed. Worship begins and after about 20 minutes I calm down. The session begins. Addiction. He said the word and I broke down crying. how could God possibly love me when I hurt myself? How could God love me when I hate myself? Answer, his love overcomes all, even my own hatred. I gave it up, I laid it down. And I refuse to ever pick it back up again.The next day at breakout sessions. Breakout one "Warring Alone." I learned how to keep others from being lonely. But nothing really hit me, yet. Pre-service prayer before session two. A tear slid down my face. "God I know that I am surrounded by people that care about me but I've never felt lonelier." God's answers always astound me. I was so focused on my relationships with my friends that I forgot about my relationship with God. I never spent time in prayer outside of church, I never worshiped alone, and I avoided spending time in the word. A revelation in my life, I began Praying daily, worshiping in my free time, and spending time in the word whenever I get the chance. God has been showing me what a true friendship is supposed to look like and my loneliness has slowly been fading away. Breakout two "Surviving Purity" purity, It's not where you've been, It's where you are and where you're going. Don't live your life ashamed of your past, purity does not come from your past thoughts and actions. purity is a daily decision, a road that you walk, not a line that you cross. This spoke to me in amazing ways, when I was younger I thought I had crossed too many lines, I was ashamed, it was a daily struggle but I thought it was a line I crossed. God explained to me that my shame was unnecessary. He views my sins as gone my heart white as snow. I needed not to cling to my shame but to live a life filled with the holy spirit. Session 3. Luggage, this is where the title comes in. We often carry unnecessary luggage on the road trip of a life time. We carry things in our suit cases on our life journey with God. We take along relationships,addictions, future plans, impure thoughts and actions. I decided to carry many things in my suitcase when I made the decision to come back to the Lord a year ago. I carried addiction, friendships, and suicidal thoughts. I know, suicidal thoughts sounds like a horrible thing. But not when it's what your used to. When you have suicidal thoughts for long enough it becomes a crutch, something you lean on. It seams like the simple way out, even if it does leave those behind you in pain. Like holding onto our future we often refuse to give our visions up to Christ. People who hold onto their future simply have a plan b incase God's plan doesn't work out for them. Similar to suicidal thoughts, people who have them are just holding onto a plan b. God wants all our luggage to be left behind. He wants our visions, plans, and futures. Our thoughts, and actions. God needs us to leave behind our luggage and trust him with our all.