Okay, Thursday. whoa. I'm standing there at pre-service prayer and this song comes on It's Great Are you Lord by All Sons & Daughters. The chorus of the song sings "It's your breath in our lungs so we pour out our praise." And God said something to me that hit me like a brick upside the head. "If it's my breath in your lungs then why are you trying to take it away?" I processed this as well as I could. Jesus then told me "go find the most powerful prayer you know. I knew exactly who to go to. But when they spoke to me God said something else I didn't quite like. " Maybe God doesn't want to heal you in this moment but maybe it's a process." I was confused at this point because why would a God who loves me tell me these thoughts are wrong yet not heal me of them now? He then told me to go ask for prayer from a specific pastor. " Whoa, God, it's one thing to ask a friend for prayer but, I barely know this guy." So I argued with God a little and needless to say, he won.But as I was waiting to talk to this pastor I was flipping through my notes from last years camp and I found something I had written down that God had told me last year. "your worth is not found in your friends or family, it is found in me." As I went to talk to the pastor I began to explain the craziness that has been the last year of my life. From anxiety to suicidal thoughts to losing my aunt in November I rambled on for a few moments of the good and bad in my life. The pastor then told me two things that I distinctly remember. One, "Your worth is found in God." and two, " One of the reasons you're having suicidal thoughts is because your eyes are on you and not God." Although I didn't like this, I knew he was right. All week God had been telling me "Eyes on me, eyes on me." We are human. If we are constantly looking at ourselves we will see nothing but imperfections and sin. It is by God's grace we come to be perfect and forgiven. Keep your eyes on him and you will look beyond all of the obstacles, the imperfections, the sins, and the heartache. Another man was with this pastor and God laid something on his heart too. He said "Maybe the process God wants you to go through isn't time, maybe it's the realization of everything he has already told you. You knew you had to keep your eyes on him, you saw what he told you last year. you already know everything we've told you." I was amazed by this idea that God will heal me in HIS process not in mine and it may take time but it doesn't have to. He said one other thing that I hold onto, "Anxiety and excitement are the same chemical in your body, it's your brain that decides how it is going to respond to it. I believe you can retrain your brain to turn anxiety into excitement. Then they prayed for me. That night I went to worship expecting another anxiety attack due to the large amounts of people, noise, and lights. But as I walked in with the crowd of people I found myself smiling and cheering and giving high fives. I haven't had any anxiety since then. Not even a background anxiousness. I am so at peace that I'm off my sleeping meds and I'm sleeping better than ever! I know this is all wonderful but it doesn't stop here. Thursday night still and the speaker just finished, now we're headed back into worship. In the midst of worship a man gets up on the stage and says "Does anybody in here have crones disease?" I didn't raise my hand because although I've been having stomach issues, I didn't know what it was. Nobody raised their hand. He then said "Does anybody have any intestinal issues, maybe they don't know what it is?" I waited a moment in hopes that somebody else would raise their hand but when nobody did, God said "that's you!" I slipped my hand up and was called to the front. In a room of 400 people I was called out. Now, to be 100% honest, I have no idea what the guy prayed over me. I was so focused on my conversation with God that I missed everything around me. God kept telling me that I needed to trust him and I insisted that I did and he said "okay, you're gonna fall." "But God, what if I hit my head?" "Trust me" he said again. The man praying for me then laid his hand on my forehead "In the name of the Holy Spirit!" he said with power. He then blew on my face and I heard God say "Trust fall!" as I fell to the ground. My body went numb then tingly, my stomach made a weird noise. and to be honest, I don't know how long I was on the ground but I just began praying and smiling. And when I got up I felt different. And my stomach was healed.
Comments